Getting older, feeling younger

Feeling younger, getting older.

My boyfriend and I were talking on the eve of his birthday about how we felt as the years go by. He has recently changed jobs from a very manual labour job to just moderate and was saying his body is feeling younger now he’s not straining it so much. One of the things I love about him is openness to the new, the questions, he’s still learning it makes him much younger than any other 47 year old I know.

I look back to my married years and can see that the years have dropped away after my narcissistic ex left me. I don’t dress as Boden mum anymore, I don’t have to struggle with that balance of looking nice and acceptable, no Botox or plastic surgery. I’m not forced to accept that all he says is right and I shouldn’t have an opinion. Though after 25 years of conditioning breaking out from conformity is scary and difficult.

No dressing up for ‘balls’ – these balls were the most dreary affairs, supposed to be a luxury event, in some awful communal type building serving a luke warm 3 or 4 course meal trapped between a couple of accountants who could only talk about themselves and their acquisitions (car, holidays, Rolex etc) rarely any talk of philosophy and even rarer a return question. If lucky there would be an excruciating 80’s band playing the same old flannel.

Now I go to festivals, I wear colour and dance to things I’ve never heard before. I off road side car and love the new. Every day is different, every other weekend when my ex has the kids I have complete freedom, something I rarely experienced in our 25 year marriage. I meet new people, I stop whenever I think someone needs help and love doing this – not permitted by the ex. My life is so much richer. I don’t live in a frightened little ‘gated community’ life anymore. I’m not so scared and feel brave. This makes me feel young (er!).


2 thoughts on “Getting older, feeling younger

  1. SilverGirl

    This could be my life…
    I have health issues to manage.. but I am finally free :o). He was a narcissist like your ex.
    I feel younger and I look younger than I ever felt or looked in 20 years and he looks older now..
    I had a ‘vision’ while I was married that if I stayed with him I would be dead by the time I turned 44. I believed it and started my process of leaving him, I’m now 47 :o)
    After 28 years it was a long road to freedom..
    Well done.. I know how hard it is.. and how worthwhile :o)

    1. mathematicalpie Post author

      Lovely to meet a kindred spirit and I look forward to catching up with your blogs once things normalise after the festive season. It’s great to hear of another survivor thriving well done.


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