Feeling younger, getting older.
My boyfriend and I were talking on the eve of his birthday about how we felt as the years go by. He has recently changed jobs from a very manual labour job to just moderate and was saying his body is feeling younger now he’s not straining it so much. One of the things I love about him is openness to the new, the questions, he’s still learning it makes him much younger than any other 47 year old I know.
I look back to my married years and can see that the years have dropped away after my narcissistic ex left me. I don’t dress as Boden mum anymore, I don’t have to struggle with that balance of looking nice and acceptable, no Botox or plastic surgery. I’m not forced to accept that all he says is right and I shouldn’t have an opinion. Though after 25 years of conditioning breaking out from conformity is scary and difficult.
No dressing up for ‘balls’ – these balls were the most dreary affairs, supposed to be a luxury event, in some awful communal type building serving a luke warm 3 or 4 course meal trapped between a couple of accountants who could only talk about themselves and their acquisitions (car, holidays, Rolex etc) rarely any talk of philosophy and even rarer a return question. If lucky there would be an excruciating 80’s band playing the same old flannel.
Now I go to festivals, I wear colour and dance to things I’ve never heard before. I off road side car and love the new. Every day is different, every other weekend when my ex has the kids I have complete freedom, something I rarely experienced in our 25 year marriage. I meet new people, I stop whenever I think someone needs help and love doing this – not permitted by the ex. My life is so much richer. I don’t live in a frightened little ‘gated community’ life anymore. I’m not so scared and feel brave. This makes me feel young (er!).