Category Archives: Uncategorized

Giving up on a relationship

Things a bit rough or boring in your relationship, thinking of moving on? Do you really want to do this to your family? 

 

It’s coming up to Christmas and looking back over the year I remember how my friend made a book each year of her photos and family adventures. I think briefly I wish I’d done that. Wouldn’t it be nice to look back on my children’s childhood. Then boom,  I am glad I didn’t. I don’t look at old family photos, because every photo I see of our ‘happy’ family is overwritten now, I imagine his thoughts as he looks at the lens, they must have been..


‘How can I get out of this, when can I text my mistress about the weekend we just had, are going to have. I wish I hadn’t married this woman. I resent having children with her. Look how she’s let herself go, my mistress has an amazing body, and would look so much better in this photo than her. How can I get rid of her, I’m sure the kids hate her too, they’d love having a sexy new mum they felt proud of.’ 

One family unit smashed to pieces because he wanted to put his little **** in someone twenty years younger than him, who left him shortly after the marriage had been wrecked. 

Dont do it to the people you love. 

 

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I can’t do this anymore (1)

‘I can’t do this any more’
‘If you feel like that you had better leave’.
‘You mean the spare bedroom or …’
‘No. Just go’.
He left, it was probably their third or fourth major argument in their twenty five year marriage and still no raised voices. With the gift of hindsight she realised the argument a couple of years before was when she knew it was over, he had explained that he was only staying for the children. She thought it was just a blip. Now she realised he couldn’t even do that. She still loved him. He had been out the night before like he often did these days and when he got home she had complained that he never wore his wedding ring. She cried all night and in the morning they had this four line conversation and it was over.

smelly dog – lip fold dermatitis

 

Lip fold dermatitis- smelly dog

Firstly please know I am not a vet or qualified in animal care in any way. My poor old dog had been smelling so foul the house was like an abattoir. Off to the vet we go and find this stinky sore on her lower lip rotting away. The vet cleaned it up gave us antibiotics and some hibiscrub to clean it twice a day. It didn’t work. We were back, she cleaned it but to no avail. Dog hated the hibiscrub it obviously hurt her though she was an angel about it. 

So I’ve tried a few other things and found something that really worked. I mix half water half cider vinegar and wash the wound with that. The dog doesn’t mind it and instant smell relief I then rub in a little jojoba oil and we have a cure. Just have to repeat every few days but she doesn’t mind the vinegar at all.

 

 

 

being a grown up – making choices

Grown up choices

 

Living sustainably


I have had to make so many grown up choices post divorce. At first they were scary and even now some are horrible, choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea as my mum would have said.

But I find after the trauma of the research and the agonies of working it all out, once I have made a choice, I feel happy. Calm, stress free. I enjoy having a say in my destiny, and those who need me to make choices for them, my dependants. I love organising my money and knowing that I can live in a sustainable way, and the gifts I give my kids are paid for by me. That I’m working on a way to survive in my old age that’s not dependent on some narcissistic, credit mongerer.

Making my own choices is possibly the biggest change post divorce and the most rewarding, it has allowed me to ‘find myself’ I never understood this concept before, now I totally get it and it feels great.

Post divorce Christmas cards

Christmas cards

Divorce and thorny Christmas


My Christmas card list is now tiny, in divorce I lost people I thought were my best friends, I lost a massive amount of acquaintances (just in case you are new to my blog, he was the one that had the mistress, but is also a successful business man). 

I tell myself this is good, to be left with people that really care, but there is a stab of pain that I was dropped so quickly, that my misjudgement was not just bad at choosing a mate but at choosing friends too. How could I have got it so wrong? But I now shrug, it’s a lot cheaper, not having to send cards to superficial types. Quality over quantity!

At first I hated Christmas and it would be a lie if I said it doesn’t still hurt that I don’t conform to the happy family adverts. It highlights my failures. But Christmas has been reinvented. I no longer have to send duty cards or gifts, most of my gifts are now handmade with love, luckily with the recession this is now acceptable and in a lot of cases very welcome, that they can return in kind is a huge relief. This year Christmas dinner will be amazing and non traditional, it’s exciting.

Hey if I no longer conform to the stereotypical family, throwing money away on tat, I might as well enjoy my non conformity to its fullest extent. It makes me want to be braver to re-examine every festive detail like I’m seeing it for the first time, and only letting in what is acceptable and non commercial. I want to only let in positive choices this festive season, can I do that?

pets in divorce

Pets in divorce

Innocence


When he left me and the kids and our home, he also left two cats and a lovely dog. He moved to accommodation that couldn’t have pets so I had no choice but to keep them, not that I’d have it any other way.

However they were and are ageing animals, we lost one dear cat a few years ago and today I had to make a difficult decision, not THAT difficult decision, not yet… My cat is poorly, seriously so and I had to choose between serious, expensive (I’d like to say the cost didn’t matter but sadly it does), painful treatment and lifestyle changes (for him and me) with probably only a delayed final outcome or a non intervention choice – literally spoil him to death approach.

Maybe now my ex has a fabulous mansion and new family and pets, I should be dropping off my (previously our) companion who, he’s never asked about, to let him, who can afford the bills take over? I don’t want to dump a sick cat on anyone but when we got animals together, we made a commitment together that he felt he could drop lightly. Perhaps he could do the next 4 years? 

Because he dropped our pets (let alone us) so easily I don’t really think handing back the animals would be a kind thing to do (for them I mean). So I have this difficult grown up decision to make, the reality is I have no choice. I will spoil my dear cuddles and cherish our last few weeks or months together and hope I’m forgiven for not extending his life.

So much for a mans best friend though, I guess it just shows he wanted nothing from his old life to take forward to his new, literally nothing, well apart from his sports car and valuable (monetarily speaking) things. Talk about a mid life crisis!

I do have a moral dilemma as I cuddle up, I tell myself I’m better off without him, that money doesn’t matter, but if I was rich my dear cat would probably live for 5 more years… So maybe he’s right.

 

 

 

elemental pleasures

My Elemental pleasure list

I wrote this list a few months after he left when I realised I’d have a serious financial change to my life and was feeling low, I wanted to show myself that pleasure doesn’t always cost (except perhaps the feather duvet but as he was allergic to feathers and I could have a feather duvet for the first time since I was a child it’s on there!

A smile from a stranger.
Hugs from friends.
A close relationship with an animal.
Feeling cold.
Feeling the sun on your back.
Growing something.
Kids.
My kids doing something out of kindness.
Strangers rescuing u when u collapse in the street.
First snowdrops.
Dancing.
Bodies touching.
A beat.
A joke.
The giggles.
Taste.
Smell.
Feather Duvet.
Diving under water
Holding my breath then filling lungs.
Speed.
Storms.
Flying a kite

Would love to hear any other less obvious pleasures you can think of that don’t cost the earth.