rejection

My son spends more and more time with his rich narcissist dad. He doesn’t bring friends home to me, I can tell he’s embarrassed. I see pictures of him on Facebook with his friends partying at his dad’s house. I’ve got to the point where it hurts so much I just want to say to him go.

It’s money, his dad has a city centre mansion, loads of parking, a hot tub, all I can afford is a home in a town half an hour away with a bad reputation next door to the pub. Of course he is embarrassed.

I’m crying because I know I have to let him go, his dad can give him so much convenience and luxury. Abu Dhabi formula one with a pass to the Pits… I watch as he checks the sell-by dates of things in my fridge, my poverty means you eat things a few days past but he’s proud to admit he’s a foodo, he only eats the best. I had a chance for a few days away from a kind friend but refused as my son was home, now he’s off to dads as it’s just more convenient more logical. I missed that chance.

He’s got a few days at half term with me, but he’s in college doing extra classes, because he missed so much with holidays with his dad, I’m sure he’d have stayed with his dad but he’s away on his second ski holiday this year with his new family.

I am fed up, upset, crying, my ex sent me an email telling me he had won a year ago. He was right. I hadn’t even realised it was a war but I see now, he who has the money to buy what they want wins and I am a peasant squirminly accepting what crumbs my kids offer. What if I say NO? What if I live a life where I do what I want?  It doesn’t matter I take what’s offered but should I be brave and say to my son, it’s fine stay with your dad, it’s much more logical not to have the commute as your exams approach? It’s a sticking plaster, I’m hurting so much it might be easier to let him go with one last rip.

 

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2 thoughts on “rejection

  1. Leaving A Narcissist

    No! Don’t give up. Be honest with your son and understanding about the temptation of money but be steadfast in your love. Have an open door policy where you are consistent and always emotionally available. It’s not a game even if your ex tries to make you believe so. Love is not something you buy although it may appear that way to you in the short run at this moment. I understand, I promise, I live in the worst neighborhood and we have to eat what we can find while my daughter goes to her father’s multimillion dollar lake house and he buys her whatever she wants. It’s not material possessions but time and availability to the needs of our children that will remain with them. Remain steadfast in your love even supporting him without resentment if he wants to stay there. You will drive him away if you speak badly about his father, are passive aggressive, are needy or use him to fulfill you. Just love him unconditionally without strings… His father will never ever do that for him, so in offering that sacrifice in the short term you will be loving him well for the rest of his life…. Don’t give up!!!

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  2. mathematicalpie Post author

    My love won’t change but I’m all torn up and hurting and not sure I have the strength not to be passive aggressive or needy. I work really hard not to say anything about his father and even find myself defending him when he lets my children down. My blog is my outlet. But my son is making the choice here and it’s hurting so much I need to find a way to stop the pain, staying with his dad, which he pretty much is anyway means he no longer has to make excuses to me. Giving up on insisting he lives with me is what I have to do, I only have a few months till he leaves home anyway, it’s just sad, I feel I’ve failed at the last post, and he’s rejected me and chosen the money. I had thought he was better than that.

    Reply

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