Would you marry again? It’s a feminist issue

Against human rightsWould you marry again? It’s a feminist issue.

I married too young, with no consciousness of the legal contract I was entering. In my simple almost childish romantic youth I thought it was about love, that we were declaring a commitment of love to each other.

I didn’t want the obey words in but had no idea that in the eye of the law what I said was irrelevant. I did not realise I was selling myself as a chattel to this man. Chattel derives from the word cattle, need I say more? I was a moveable possession in law that he took responsibility for. It makes me curious how same sex partnerships will cope with divorce? Will chattel and owner be defined by earning capacity? Or do civil partnerships not have this antiquated law defining them in divorce. If so why can we not have hetro civil partnerships?

Why does it matter? Well apart from human ownership being slavery, it matters in divorce. My ex was given a choice. A final settlement, finishing things nice and cleanly and enabling us both to move on with our lives. Or maintenance payments – effectively an interest free loan with the side effect of him owning me in that should I co habit or remarry he never has to pay the money he owes from the life and business we built together. Guess which my narcisist ex chose?

I don’t believe I had a choice, I could leave with nothing from 25 years of building a life and business together except half the value of our marital home or receive maintenance payments for life that meant I did not have to work on minimum wage. A clean break would have given me the capital to make my own business work for me. Maintenance means a subsistence life, plus what I can earn. I’m in no doubt he could afford the clean break but he wouldn’t give me a clean break. I live in paranoia, it’s in his interest that I die or marry.

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