ostricised from society – divorce

Ostracised from society

Last night I watched a great film ‘The house I live in’ supposedly about the drugs war in America but really an observation on society. Towards the end it talked about the links that society follows when things such as the holocaust happen. That these links happen without drive but follow in an organic way.

The pattern is that people are ostracised and labelled for some reason, Jewish, black, Chinese, Mexican, women or poor. These people are a group, something has happened to change their circumstances, they lose their status, their income, their group. They become concentrated, in a camp, in a ghetto, in a prison, in a town with a bad rep and become even more ostracised.

Their freedom becomes compromised, they are profiled for stop and search, or not hired because of their address. Then comes extermination, either literally as the holocaust or slowly and effectively by starvation, no healthcare, no work, by police, by violence or by drugs. They are in pain and in this film it demonstrates how drugs become their only choice, the same choice a privately educated lad has when he becomes a lawyer like his dad.

My life is not so bad but I saw such a mirror in this film. When my ex left, I had little money, my ‘friends’ did not rally round (there was talk at the start but it did not follow through), it was like I was dirty and infectious and they just wanted me to disappear. I did, I had to move to a very poor town with a reputation for violence and was burgled immediately. 

I have now been labelled as a divorcee, single mum, middle aged – the judge actually said at 47 it was not worth me retraining. The small business I had looked shaky as my ex’s contemporary’s – business people became wary of my ability to continue without my narcissistic ex. I just managed to hold on to it. 

I have my freedom compromised, as I need the money my ex pays me to survive, I am not free to remarry or have a relationship because as a woman I am still my ex’s chattel and he doesn’t have to pay me the money he owes me in one lump sum (he could but he choses not to) so he has control I guess, and an interest free loan that one day may just disappear (from my death). Is it a wonder that I have considered ending it? That if I disappeared it would be so convenient for these people that find me an embarrassment? Of course I feel I belong in a sub-human class, as a woman I don’t have a right to the money my ‘business’ partner and I made during our contract. I’m too inferior for the law to demand it so I live a self fulfilling prophecy as my label dictates. 

Luckily so far I have not succumbed to the drugs offered, whether illegal drugs, legal alcohol, prescription drugs, food or indiscriminate sex but there have been times when it’s been tempting and I would not want to judge anyone who had reached out for some solace when you feel ostracised from the world of ‘haves’ to the ‘have nots’.

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