Standing up for yourself
As a recovering co- dependent. I understand what I am (finally after 40 odd years). But I do get shocked at the results when I stand my ground, it amazes me that instead of people hating me and deserting me I actually go up in their estimation, or if not theirs, people around me that really matter, respect me for my grit, and crucially I get support.
I won a court case against someone I believe was a narcissist recently, and the confidence it has given me is life altering. As is the respect from my colleagues and friends for taking it to court. I stood up to my daughter too but instead of her leaving me as I feared, we are closer – though it was hit and miss for a bit.
I heard from someone else that my brother thought I was not working, so I put him right, now he does his share of caring for my elderly mum too.
I struggle with my nature to please every day, but I know that if I totally subjugate my will, then resentment and depression will build in me and affect everyone I interact with. So I am consciously fighting my subconscious which is hard but hopefully in time will become habit.
How to fight being co-dependent?
Don’t act like a child, you are not 12 anymore, and have a right to have your opinion heard.
Realise that your indecision is really irritating to ‘normal’ people not making their life easier.
Co dependency is not love, being more submissive will not make them love you.
Demand some respect.
Take control of your finances.
Take control of what you wear.
Take control of at least some of your surroundings.
If you find your self either muttering aloud or in your head resentment thoughts. STOP. Then get whoever should be doing whatever it is to do it.
If you fail, don’t worry, just start trying again, things can change from whatever moment you are in – like now.
Love to hear anyone’s positive suggestions on how to recover from a lifetime of codependency.