Why are men bastards?
I saw a play last night about a couple starting out together, he explained that before they kissed and although he really liked her, he didn’t want commitment. The perception being that women want commitment and men are commitment phobic – bastards who love and leave.
This got me thinking why do women want commitment (speaking generally here). There was a time post divorce when I really didn’t want commitment but now in a loving relationship I do (telling two words!).
I think it’s because women biologically and often financially often subjugate themselves to men. We physically commit to altering our bodies to have children, we often give up our careers to be a homemaker or reduce to part time hours to run children’s and husbands lives. If we are giving up that chance of independent success surely a little commitment is not a lot to ask? It’s usually the woman that gets the kids post break up so they are making themselves incredibly vulnerable.
I can’t help myself as I decorate my boyfriends house to let out in the future or typeset his book, my love expresses itself in trying to help him, so of course if he walked out tomorrow or was unfaithful he would be a bastard, just as a client who did not pay a bill would be. But we have no commitment, I’m taking a gamble, a risk that we have a future together, it’s too early to say ‘I do’ and honestly I may never say it again after last time. Last time I jumped in both feet, now I keep a toe on firm ground. I still think I can commit, but will always have a plan for self preservation.
The commitment part in a relationship is perhaps less about love and more about business, yet it is seen as some sort of emotional blackmail. What should commitment phobic men do? I guess not have a relationship, don’t let a woman help you in all the little ways you do in a relationship with someone, be up front about it. Take precautions against pregnancy, don’t enjoy a nice dinner, a lift to the garage, someone moping your brow when you are ill, dinners cooked for family and friends, housework done for you, your life made easier in so many ways. Don’t let anyone in your life. But if you do, understand you can’t just take, or you really will be a bastard.