Forgiveness after divorce


I never thought I’d forgive my ex, what he did and the way he treated me after. But today I realise I’m the lucky one, I got away and now live my life to my own drum beat.

I’m not sure about forgiving him what he has done to our children, but in some ways they have learnt huge life lessons that I hope will prevent them doing the same. Last night I asked my son what he did at his weekend with his Dad, I remember his post divorce enthusiasm to spend quality time with his son. My sons reply was nothing, I said surely you did some fun things, but my sons conclusion was it was too late now, his dad had missed his chance to do those things, now my son wants his friends. Sad but I think my son won’t make the same mistake with his kids. My daughter thinks deeply and I know her biggest fear is she is like her dad, she does show some signs of narcissism I know, but I hope it will not not damage her so much as is she always questioning and does have both our qualities and values, poor mixed up thing.

I wanted to forgive in the past, and tried to, but couldn’t, but then it just happened, I woke up and realised I don’t live in fear and hate anymore, I live in calmness and generosity of spirit. It just happened.

But my question to myself today is how do I forgive him? The forgiveness is there but should I tell him? Express it in some way. The last time I tried to send a nice email, as our divorce was finalised suggesting we could now put it behind us and be ok with each other, if nothing else but the kids sake, I received a reply that scarred me and hurts to think about – it was all my fault, that he had won, has lots of friends, and the kids love him most and he never wanted to hear from me again. Amongst other hurtful remarks. So the idea of telling him ‘I forgive you’ is probably a bit selfish, and he would take it the wrong way and throw back another sharp knife. So I have to live with the knowledge myself, quietly telling only you.


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