he has just left me tips

He’s just left tips

Again based on my own experience, yours will be different

 

Don’t believe anything he says from now on, you are no longer his prime concern, he is

Play good music, my daughter made me a playlist of the usual heartbreak songs, it was great

Just wait it out and try to take care of yourself and your kids, the acute pain really will pass, it will, but will take a few weeks for the darkest mist to lift

Watch movies, read, anything to give your brain some time out from the hurt and the questions, you won’t remember what you watched, just try to give yourself some time to reset.

Talk to a good friend you trust. Try not to off load on the kids, just cuddle them instead

Sometimes it doesn’t take two to end a marriage, don’t take on all the blame.

If he says there is no one else I’d not believe it, though sometimes this may be true, but in my case he was less than open about his mistress till I met her ex-husband on a dating site 9 months later and he told me he knew years ago but didn’t want to upset our family.

Exercise, no you won’t feel like it but force yourself even if it’s a walk, try to eat enough

Get some cash out the bank and put it aside, just in case.

Don’t worry about telling people, that matters less than you’d think, if possible tell your kids together, let him tell his family, but you might want to check he hasn’t lied to them, mine was a coward and told his mum it was me having an affair – brace yourself for the lies

Try to be decisive, especially if you have kids, it really messes with heads if you keep getting back together

Book an appointment with relate and either go by yourself or together

Keep a diary

Take your time

 

A bit later


Don’t let him touch you when you meet, a possessive pat on the bum after they left you is not on
 
Get a good lawyer – not just a lawyer
 
Keep good records of everything you spend/owe, keep that diary going
 
When facing the world chin up, smile, shoulders back
 
Keep playing good music ask friends for a playlist of upbeat songs if they offer help
 
Try some meditation not medication if you can, Andrew Johnson has helped me sleep, stay positive and move on
 
Make lists, everything, financial, what you hate about him, what you loved about him, people who can help.
 
Set up a free rude email address for him with a password you won’t remember(don’t tell him). When you feel like telling him exactly what you think of him in not so generous terms write to this address. It feels great with no repercussions.
 
Enjoy your freedom, you’ve probably lost weight, smile at someone today.
 
If you can’t email him nicely ask a friend if you can blind copy her in so when you write you know she will read them and you will be forced to be polite.
 
You will find friends drop off, this is about their problems not yours, don’t take it personally, it might shock you who abandons you in need, but better to find out now.
 
Make a list of things you want to do, a bucket list and start crossing them off, no one can stop you now, yes I did a parachute jump

 

I know there are loads more things I’d like to say and I’d love to hear other peoples tips from their experience. If you are reading this after he/she has just left you. Take it slow, give yourself time to heal and grieve, don’t take on all the blame, life has much more to offer you.
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