If you think he’s leaving tips

If you think he’s leaving tips

These are just some ideas based on my own experience, yours will be very different I expect, a year before my ex left we had an argument – unusual for us- which he calmly ended with ‘I’m only staying for the kids’, stupidly I thought it was just a rough patch but now I know he had planned his exit before that argument, and certainly after, he had everything arranged including his new narcisstic supply – his mistress. I’m all for saving a marriage but it is wise to prepare for the worst and hope for the best if you have that feeling of unease

 

  1. Be clever – sorry but after 25 years of marriage I was stupid and trusting
     
     

  2. Gather evidence, record your lifestyle (in divorce you need to show your previous lifestyle, holidays, cars, spending patterns, memberships etc), find out what he is doing if you can
     
     

  3. Put away a nest egg in cash and bank accounts and possibly some sort of asset you can sell easily – my ex tried to starve (literally) me into signing divorce papers that were favourable to him, I survived by selling everything including my shoes on eBay. 
     
     

  4. Research lawyers, a good lawyer not just a lawyer and get some advice. If he’s in local business definitely go out of town.
     
     

  5. Don’t sign anything – yep a few months before he left I signed over the company shares to him – ahh hindsight is so clear! 
     
     

  6. Get some therapy – it might save a rocky marriage, it might help you cope on your own
     
     

  7. Try and get things in your name, your car not on hp, yep my birthday gift from him before he left was a car on hp that I could not sell ( so I was driving a great car while starving, of course people didn’t believe I was hard up), holiday bookings, shares, anything. He put everything in his business and built up debt personally, as his business was untouchable in divorce he did very well a great move if you a cold hearted business man.
     
     

  8. Build up a credit rating, get a card and pay it off each month, his advice as he walked out the door (yep an accountant, but he was right)
     
     

  9. Get a career/training, you’re on your own now so work it
     
     

  10. Learn how to use eBay, you’ll have a lot of baggage to get rid of and need every penny
     
     

  11. Do not start trying to be who he wants and lose your identity, you won’t be able to keep it up, and he will still leave be aware that if you think he’s leaving he may have decided ages ago he was and has already set things up on his side.
     
     

  12. Try to gain more control or at least understanding of your finances  
 
Some signs that he’s leaving, multiple mobile phones, lots of overnight trips with the boys (her), changes in financial arrangements, no sex, lost that loving feeling, works late, loses weight, lots of new aftershave, starts wearing designer clothes, try’s to suddenly bond with the kids, buys an Aston Martin (yep!) no longer spends time with you, when you go out or on holiday it’s always with friends. I know I should have seen it coming with all these signs and I had an occasional suspicion our 25 year old marriage was ‘off’ but it completely blindsided me, his lies were so blatant, his excuses so plausible. But three years on I have never been happier, though I wish I’d been smarter.
 
Tomorrow’s blog – he’s just left tips. Love to hear anyone else’s tips. 
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