Spotting a narcissist

I just thought I’d write a little list from personal experience but I’m no psychologist so take it with a pinch of salt.

How to spot a narcissist

  1. They speed when driving –  and I mean really fast 120mph on the motorway is no big deal –  as they own the road, are driving a super car and their driving skills are better than anyone else

  2. They give you amazing gifts that you did not want, a ski holiday when you’d love to go to Costa Rica. They are giving you what they want and you better be grateful. But you can’t complain can you, who would say no to a ski holiday.

  3. They forget big things like you are vegetarian or a phobia because they aren’t.

  4. They insult your basic skills, you can’t even cook a stew while they prepare an amazing meal for friends, after you cleaned the house, planned the menu shopped for it and prepped the food, all they did was put the meat in the oven but they take the credit

  5. They got their qualifications/job in a bit of a dodgy way

  6. They don’t show any affection for parents and siblings

  7. They insult your family and you find you are always making excuses for them

  8. They have all the toys and over extend their borrowing to get them and have a wallet full of credit cards

  9. Everything has to be the best an Aston Martin, private healthcare, the best room, sorry I mean suite in a hotel, hot tub…

  10. They can get tickets for anything

  11. They have never set foot in aldi or lidl

  12. You are punished by complete withdrawal from their pseudo affection. Or the silent treatment.

  13. They are scared of hospitals and sick people

  14. They won’t make an ugly face for a comedy photo

  15. They act like lord or lady of the manor

  16. They appear generous but only because it either makes them look good or they are ‘buying friends’

  17. They charm or snow ball friends into doing what they want

  18. They believe anything/anyone can be bought

  19. They degrade your self esteem and self belief till you think you are mad or depressed

  20. You are conditioned to be unable to make choices for yourself. You automatically think of them first

  21. They don’t cue

  22. Your faults are never excused, they don’t have any faults. 

  23. They don’t do menial dirty things

  24. They don’t repair (marriages either) it’s out with the old in with the new

  25. They use the silent treatment as a weapon

  26. Things have to be done the old way, they are not open to new ideas

  27. They get you to sign things and dismiss your need to read it

  28. They plan a divorce for years (as they don’t feel love but you fulfil most of their needs it’s no problem waiting and doesn’t stop them moving on to their next supply at the same time)
  29. You don’t argue – you’re a doormat
Love to hear anyone else’s observations. 

8 thoughts on “Spotting a narcissist

  1. Siggy

    Hello. I had to laugh when I read number 14. In the 4 years that my ex narc and I were together he wouldnt even take any kind photo of us together, let alone a comedy one. He always found an excuse to not take anything. I had known him for 20 years previous and not once did I notice the signs. If I did, I was so sucked in I ignored them until one day I could take no more. When he left and came back 18 times within the space of ten months I decided enough was enough. Can relate to so many of the things you listed. I lost count the amount of lies he told. The mind games, smear campaigns, the empty promises, his constant blame game and the worst part of all; him making me believe everything was my fault…

    1. mathematicalpie Post author

      I was told they are not lies – just not being entirely open… Thank you for sharing that with me. Totally agree about the photos, my kids have great photos – memories inspired by photos – of them with dad, but I was always behind the camera. Tomorrow a list on spotting you are a codependent.

      1. Siggy

        I havent seen or spoken to him for 13 months, the 18th time was the last time I saw him. He cast me aside like I was nothing and did it in a really cruel way. It has only really been in the last 2 months that I stopped crying. I wouldnt say I was in a good place at the moment but am in a much better place than I was. I totally lost myself in that relationship and its only really now that I have started to find out who I am again. Each day is new.

      2. mathematicalpie Post author

        I really feel for you, I was there and sometimes still am. I’m a recovering co dependent, try to feel the pleasure of making your own choices and you will find yourself there I expect. And as so many people told me you are better off without him. It is such a shock to be cast aside so easily but you are not alone

      3. Siggy

        It’s hard isn it. We are so lucky this day in age we have the power of the internet to reach out to like minded people. If it wasn’t for reading online and research I would never have known about NPD. I blamed myself for so long. I still do some days. Ive done things im not proud of. It is a shock… Thank you for understanding.

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